Spoilers for Blade Runner 2049 to follow.

I have a confession. I don’t love the original Blade Runner. I honestly don’t even like it that much. Now, I’m not dead inside (yet), I cannot deny what an influential piece of art that Ridley Scott and company created almost 40 years ago. I admire the film, I respect it and even on the rare occasions when I do watch it I am in awe of its visual beauty.

It just simply isn’t for me.

But then director Denis Villeneuve (Arrival, Prisoners) went and got involved with the sequel and he brought Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, Ana De Armas, Robin Wright, Dave Bautista, and even renowned cinematographer Roger Deakins with him. Suddenly, I became rabid to be thrust back into this world that I could’ve cared less about previously.

And when the movie came out, I saw it twice in theaters, and most everyone I know who even remotely liked movies really loved Blade Runner 2049. So obviously I bought the blu and eventually upgraded to the 4K disc because duh. And then I just didn’t watch it. Anytime I got the urge, I talked myself out of it. “It’s too long” or “I’m too tired” or whatever other excuse. This is an ongoing problem I have with myself, and as I’ve mentioned before, one of the very reasons why I started this column. So what’s my deal?

Well, I think I sometimes let life get in the way. Sometimes, it’s just easier to watch some trash TV or a Marvel movie to let your brain come down from the day rather than dig into some deep philosophical sci-fi. After a year and a half of essentially being a stay at home step dad pondering my own existence and purpose, sometimes I just want to zone out.

But then I pop in Blade Runner 2049 and am reminded that in it, Ryan Gosling is a replicant Blade Runner who discovers that his kind can have children and begins to ponder his own existence and purpose.

Well I’ll be god damned. Turns out Blade Runner 2049 just hits closer to home than I thought.

But truthfully, this column has just provided me the opportunity to really dig into these movies that I love that I never want to watch and remember not only why I bought them but why I love them as well.

Anyway, Blade Runner 2049 is a masterpiece. Full stop. In a perfect world, Gosling would have been nominated as Best Actor that year. His performance as K, the replicant whose calm demeanor is slowly and meticulously chipped away by each new turn in the story is one of the best he’s given. It’s so interesting how living a little bit of life can give new meaning to things, and in this case, Gosling’s journey here had a much more profound effect on me than previous viewings, and I’m both curious and excited to see how it’ll hit me in the future.

I guess this turned into more of a personal entry than a rumination on Blade Runner 2049, but let’s be real, we all know this movie is incredible. We all know how good and haunting Dave Bautista is in his short screen time. We all know Harrison is legit trying here, and is as good as ever. We all know just how beautiful the entire movie is. But now perhaps you know a little bit more about me and why this movie resonates for me as much as it does. And for that, I’m sorry.