WHY I BOUGHT IT

I’ve been going more or less in alphabetical order with this column in an effort to avoid having to choose which movies I own that I never watch for this column about movies I own that I never watch. It’s been a largely successful strategy thus far, as I’ve been able to revisit and enjoy movies I haven’t seen in ages (which is the entire point of this here thing after all).

However, when it was time to watch 2012, I found myself dragging my feet. “Ugh, I mean it’s 2012. You either love it or you don’t, and I love it” was my thinking. Why write about it? So I skipped it in favor of moving onto whatever peaked my interest on my movie shelf. I had really been wanting to pop in that new 4K of Beverly Hills Cop anyway.

I was very happy to watch that Eddie Murphy masterpiece, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was cheating. Yes, I know I love that shit, but then why the hell haven’t I watched it in 10 years? I know that sometimes it’s 2.5 hour running time didn’t always sound appealing, but then again I watch 5 episodes of MTV’s The Challenge at a time, so clearly I’m not precious about my time.

So I asked myself again, “Why don’t I want to watch this?” I didn’t have an answer.

That’s when I knew I had to watch it. Not just for me, but for all of you (Hi, Mom!). For everyone.

And so I did it. I watched 2012. All 158 minutes of it. And you know what? It was the right thing to do.

Spoilers for 2012 to follow.

I stand by “You either love it, or you don’t” with 2012. It’s Roland Emmerich’s (ID4, The Day After Tomorrow) magnum opus disaster flick. It’s the kind of movie where you either roll your eyes the whole time or just let go and let the movie wash over you like the easy going entertainment that it is.

And if this shit ain’t for you, that’s ok! I totally get it. Movies like 2012, or San Andreas or The Day After Tomorrow are filled with cheese, unbelievably likable and unlikable characters and even more unbelievable stakes. So really, I get it.

I just really fucking love it.

I love that it borders on fantasy, and not necessarily with its global annihilation antics, but with the way human behavior is portrayed. If something like this actually happened the world would be chaos, and as we’ve seen from the past year there are plenty of people who care about no one but themselves. But in 2012, people do the right thing. The scientist listens to his friend. The President listens to the scientist. The dad listens to his children and eventually his ex-wife. The conspiracy theory spewing, pickle eating, radio personality gets proven right after years of ridicule just before his epic demise. All this listening and helping each other leads to the continuation of life on Earth, and all is well.

It’s escapism at its finest, pure and simple. I could sneer at it and make fun of it very easily, sure. But I can’t lie, I always become glued to the screen when I watch this movie. Not only does Emmerich put together a cast that includes John Cusack (who is surprisingly engaged!), Amanda Peet, Danny Glover, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Thandiwe Newton, Oliver Platt (!), George Segal (!!), Woody Harrelson(!!!) and many more, but he also orchestrates the most awe inspiring destruction he has ever done. The movie is overblown for sure (too many characters and too many subplots= extreme over length) but it’s also part of its charm. Plus, every character is cast perfectly, with everyone getting a moment to shine (or prove why they are the worst). Emmerich also gets things started within the first five minutes which leaves plenty of time for him to blow up the world, resulting in no shortage of action here (the airplane dodging the falling subway car is an A+ visual wonder). And honestly It’s also just nice to see people come together in the face of disaster for once. I can’t help myself and I fall right for it hook, line and sinker.

Anyway, I bought 2012 because it is pure blockbuster entertainment done very well by someone who knows how to make pure blockbuster entertainment, and in this house, that is worth applauding (and buying).