Old

Spoilers for OLD to follow.

In this house, we stan M. Night Shyamalan. The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable are stone cold classics that highlight the absolute best the filmmaker has to offer. The Village and Signs both feature exhilarating sequences that are carefully crafted by Shyamalan, and if nothing else, I think he is a severely underrated director in terms of pure craft. Has he made some bad movies? Yes, but he is also one of the only directors in Hollywood consistently putting out original, dramatic thrillers, and that alone is worth keeping him around.

OLD, the filmmakers latest, finds the director closer to Twilight Zone territory than he’s ever been, as we follow multiple families that find out that the secluded beach they are staying at is somehow forcing them to age so rapidly that it’s reducing their entire life to a single day.

Unfortunately, OLD isn’t among M. Night’s best, but it’s not among his worst either! Instead, it turns out to be very mediocre, landing somewhere in the middle of his varied filmography.

There’s a lot to like about the film. The whole cast is great. Gael Garcia Bernal and Vicky Krieps are completely believable as a the main couple who just happen to be taking their last vacation as a family before the parents separate (the idea being they tell the kids when they get home). Both go back and forth between family drama and scifi mind fuck with ease, making them ideal for the directors vision.

Shyamalan also smartly put recognizable character actors to round out the cast like Rufus Sewel (Dark City), Alex Wolf (Hereditary), Abbey Lee (The Neon Demon, Mad Max: Fury Road), Ken Luang (Lost) and newcomers Thomasin McKenzie and Aaron Pierre, all of whom fit perfectly into Shyamalan’s vibe.

The director has numerous scenes with extended single take shots. Shyamalan is no stranger to this, and here his work is reliably precise and well put together. I love the way he moves a camera, using it like a tool to ramp up suspense and tension.

He even manages to cleverly slide in some sly social commentary at multiple points in the film without ever being overbearing.

But for the life of me I just could not find it in myself to care about any of it. Despite the craftsmanship and credible performances, the story just doesn’t have much pull to it, and as a result it’s hard to care much about what happens. The whole concept of a spot on Earth that does this is definitely a cool idea, and overall I think Shyamalan nails the previously mentioned Twilight Zone vibe, but overall the movie never really gels into anything terrifying or thought provoking.

As for the infamous Shyamalan ending, it’s definitely over the top, but like the rest of the movie, it thinks it’s more shocking than it actually is. I don’t want to completely spoil it for those still wanting to check it out, but I would check your expectations in that it’s not some twist where it’s like an alternate reality or Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time or anything like that. Once last time, think Twilight Zone vibe. Still, even with proper expectations, the ending does little to save the film.

Overall, OLD is a well made but mostly lifeless thriller, but despite the films mediocrity, I can safely say I’m still team Shyamalan. Here’s hoping he nails the next one.

Army of the Dead

I like Zack Snyder. Overall I thought his DC output was thoroughly interesting and unexpected if not wholly successful (thoughts on BvS here and his Justice League here), but I was god damn delighted when it was announced that his first non DC movie in a decade was gonna be about Dave Bautista and a ragtag group of bad asses breaking into a zombie infested Las Vegas to steal a bunch of money before the town gets nuked to Kingdom Come.

Perfect. I’m all in. Totally ready for Snyder to just deliver some high priced trash directly to my brain.

Unfortunately Snyder delivers a weird, uneven and bloated zombie heist flick that highlights his own weaknesses rather than his strengths and the movie ultimately proves to be the one thing I thought Snyder didn’t know how to be; boring.

Spoilers for Army of the Dead to follow.

After a short but intense prologue showing how exactly this army of the dead got started, Snyder dives right into an exposition filled montage for the opening credits. The director’s penchant for Choices is on full display here, with odd music cues and the editing going back and forth between each character’s story and them posing with pictures of their dead loved ones. It’s weird, yes, but this is good kind of weird that Snyder excels at, and the director quickly establishes the over the top tone for this world and to his credit never strays from it either.

The plot goes as such: casino owner Bly Tanaka (Hiroyuki Sanada) wants Bautista to gather a team of mercenaries to break into his abandoned business to take back the $200 million that is sitting in the vault. Granted, Tanaka has already been reimbursed that money thanks to insurance, but like all casino owners, he wants what is his. In return, Bautista and crew can split $50 million if they get the job done.

It’s a simple enough heist premise, and with the added zombie element it really doesn’t need to get more complicated than that (and thankfully it doesn’t). All Snyder has to do is give us a crew to root for (with maybe a few people to hate as well) and show us some glorious mayhem that I know he can deliver with his eyes closed.

Unfortunately, the script (co-written by Snyder, based on his own story) gives us nothing but one note characters, and most of the unknown (at least to me) cast can’t do anything to make me care about them, and so when many of them meet their demise, the moment falls flat.

What’s worse is that Snyder takes his sweet ass time introducing all these characters and setting up plot that ultimately doesn’t matter. The movie only starts to enter Vegas about 45 minutes in, and it was clear that at least 20 minutes could have already been cut. I think this is my biggest beef with the movie. It has a final runtime of 148 minutes (!) and if Snyder had cut at least 30 minutes I think this would be a fun, fast paced, don’t think about it too much kind of heist flick. But I mean, Snyder did deliver a 4 hour cut of Justice League, so maybe that’s on me.

It’s not all bad though! Dave Bautista is great. He has been great for a while now, from his hilarious turn as Drax in the MCU to his absolutely haunting cameo in Blade Runner 2049 (I’m so stoked to see him return to play with Villeneuve in Dune). His character has the best storyline in the movie, and Bautista milks it for all its worth, delivering the emotional beats with genuine heartache. He’s also unafraid to show his age, as his badass character is constantly reaching for his reading glasses. It’s a small touch, but Bautista sells it.

Tig Notaro also stands out as the crew’s helicopter pilot. Notaro famously replaced that dipshit comedian who rightfully got cancelled and it’s an upgrade in every way. Notaro is hilarious every second they’re on screen, and I honestly hope it leads to more work outside of straight comedy roles, because Notaro fits into this ragtag ensemble like a glove.

Of course, if Garret Dillahunt is in a movie or show, the quality automatically jumps 10%. Dillahunt is one of those “That Guy” actors. He has been in so much over the last 15 years that it’s impossible to say where one might recognize him from (Deadwood? No Country for Old Men? The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford? Raising Hope?). Dillahunt can play menacing, cold, funny, tough, wimpy all at the drop of a hat. Here, he is in scumbag mode, and nobody does it better.

Like Romero before him, Snyder explores the notion of a Smart Zombie in Army of the Dead, and for the most part it’s pretty cool! It’s not outright stated in the film, but the first zombie, henceforth known as Zombie Daddy, isn’t exactly a zombie. He is some kind of super undead thing. If he bites someone, they also become a super smart and fast zombie, but if anyone else bites anyone, they just become regular ol’ slow walking zombies.

But the cool thing about Zombie Daddy and his army is that apparently him and his army are getting smarter. Bautista and his mercenaries discover that they must sacrifice one of their crew in order for the smart zombies to let them into their territory. Oh and also, Zombie Daddy is actually about to become a zombie daddy, as his bride (!) is most definitely pregnant. Like I said, this stuff is pretty cool. Snyder is unafraid to get weird with the proceedings, but it also felt like he could have gone further with it, especially since Netflix apparently gives cartè blanche to its filmmakers.

The one thing that really surprises me though is how sub par the action is in Army of the Dead. Love him or hate him, I don’t think you can accuse Snyder of not knowing how to film an action scene. I mean, this is what the dude excels at. Now, the fight choreography is on point and all the actors and stunt performers do a great job, but it all feels so unexciting and kind of boring. Apparently Snyder was his own cinematographer this time around, and it seems this was one job too many for the director. The action feels so flat its shocking. Purely mediocre. What’s even worse is that the movie overall just doesn’t look very good, with weird focus and blurry images abound for reasons I can’t quite fathom. Normally I’m all about Snyder making weird choices, aesthetic or otherwise, but it simply does not work here.

I’m really not happy to write this, because I genuinely like Snyder’s work. He is a director who likes to make big choices, no matter the movie, and typically it’s worth watching even if the project isn’t entirely successful. Granted, I don’t think Army of the Dead is straight up terrible. It’s a great showcase for Bautista, who is getting better and better with each role, and Snyder does have fun with zombie lore thanks to Zombie Daddy, but overall the movie just doesn’t have anything to really get excited about. It’s weird, but not weird enough. There’s action, but it’s nothing to write home about. There are a lot of characters, but only one or two worth caring about. In the end, Army of the Dead is simply OK, and that sucks.

Mortal Kombat

Spoilers for Mortal Kombat to follow.

Like many of you, I was the perfect age for Mortal Kombat when it came out in theaters in 1995. I loved the games and was stoked for the movie, and to my 9 year old brain it was everything I wanted and more. Nostalgia does a lot of heavy lifting when I watch it now, but I also genuinely believe it’s a fun video game movie that knows exactly what it is and has plenty of fun with its ridiculous premise and characters.

So, how does Mortal Kombat’ 21 fare?

Well, let’s talk the negative first. The fight sequences aren’t as mind blowing as the trailers would have you believe, there are choices made by the filmmakers that are straight up baffling (there is one scene in particular where Sonya Blade demands to see another characters mortal kombat birth mark that’s on his chest, and when he lowers the collar of his shirt the birthmark is almost completely covered up by the shirt still. Did no one say to the actors “hey we can’t see the thing, let’s do another take”?) and most of the acting is just straight up bad. Oh, and there is no actual tournament in MK’21, just some babble about the bad guys wanting to skip to the end and claim victory over Earth.

But you know what? I really didn’t mind any of it. I wasn’t expecting something “fucking awesome” per se, and a lot of these weird choices add to the film’s overall charm (it didn’t hurt that I watched this with 5 of my very best and vaccinated friends with proper inebriates assisting). The film’s limited budget also means we get some cool practical effects and costumes, which I’m always about, but even some of the CG sequences aren’t so bad (Sub-Zero’s ice knife looks legit and cool AF). MK’21 also moves at a brisk ass pace, forcing the viewer to just go along with the silliness instead of thinking about it too much. High class low rent filmmaking at its best really. Also, every time the movie sneaks in classic video game lines like “Flawless Victory!” or ”Kano Wins!” the results are laugh out loud great. Oh, and the gore is quite good.

“I get it, Jordan! It’s so bad it’s good!” No. I don’t really like that way of thinking when it comes to movies. Ridiculous is a better word for it, I think, which to me is most definitely a compliment.

So we have a Mortal Kombat movie with no mortal kombat tournament, fight sequences that leave a lot to be desired, and some genuinely questionable filmmaking choices. But shit, I just can’t be mad at this movie though. I had fun! I had a lot of fun, and truthfully, what the hell else do you want from a movie called Mortal Kombat?

Zack Snyder’s justice league

It’s tough to say how I would have felt if this was the version of Justice League we got right after Batman v Superman. This is how I felt about BvS when it originally came out in 2016. In the years since I’ve come to terms with the film that I got instead of pining over the movie I wanted. This seems to be a trend I have with all Snyder’s DC superhero output. Yes, I like his director’s cut of Watchmen, but it took me multiple viewings to get there. Yes, I love Man of Steel, warts and all. And as I said, I accept BvS for what it is, an ambitious failure that happens to include an A+ Batman performance from my man Ben Affleck.

And now, after four years and endless noise from internet idiots, we can finally see how Snyder would have capped it all off with Zack Snyder’s Justice League.

Spoilers for Zack Snyder’s Justice League to follow.

Having watched the movie twice now, I can say with confidence that this film is, top to bottom, the best of the Snyder trilogy. ZSJL is filled with hope, heartache and humor (that doesn’t betray the tone). Snyder corrects a lot of wrongs in his depiction of both Batman and Superman here, and both actors portraying them excel because of it. The Flash and Cyborg both get extended sub plots that better flesh out their characters respectively. Aquaman’s motivations and worries are a little more clear here than the theatrical cut and Wonder Woman is at her most hardcore, killin’ dudes in front of kids and chopping off heads like it’s just another day on the job. Honestly, the movie just makes a lot more sense too. We finally understand just what the hell Steppenwolf was doing and why (though it’s tough to say if we should still care or not though) and there is a clear through line as to what was to come. In short, I loved Zack Snyder’s Justice League despite itself.

First and foremost, four hours and two minutes is too long. To be fair, it goes by fairly quickly (Snyder’s choice to break the film into 6 parts helps), but it’s very obvious that at least an hour could have been cut out at the very minimum. Not entire scenes mind you, just bits and pieces that add up. The over length has a numbing effect on the films rather exciting ending, but more importantly, it takes too damn long to get to Superman.

I was very curious to see how Snyder would treat the Man of Steel here after making him such a Negative Nancy in BvS, and I am very happy to report that even with his limited screen time, Snyder let Cavill bring that calm confidence and leadership to the character that he showed signs of in Man of Steel. The film treats Superman with a sense of awe and wonder befitting the character (even if it’s a little unearned by Snyder). But still, it takes almost 2.5 hours for the film to resurrect him and the film suffers for it. Granted, I’m sure Snyder wanted Superman’s absence to be felt so his return was more impactful, and perhaps a shorter runtime could have yielded better results, but in the end the movie suffers from its lack of Superman.

As I mentioned, Cyborg and The Flash both benefit from more screen time here, with Cyborg quietly becoming the heart of the entire movie. Early in the film, as he is testing out his newly learned internet superpowers, he slips $100,000 into the bank account of a hardworking, single mom of two who just got evicted. It’s probably the most heroic act of the whole movie and Ray Fisher has a natural intensity that suits the character well.

Now this is the part where I must admit that I don’t love Ezra Miller as Barry Allen, though I can’t deny he is much less grating here than he was in the theatrical cut. I love Miller as an actor (his performance in We Need To Talk About Kevin is an all time creeper), and I’m willing to give him a fresh chance with his solo flick, but for now I’m just not sold yet.

Once again, Ben Affleck steals the show. His Batman is no longer operating out of spite or hatred, but rather that of hope. Hope that he can bring this league together, hope that they can stop what’s coming. Affleck gives us even more reason to be depressed that his solo Batflick will never come to life, as he embodies the perfect leadership and charisma to lead these iconic characters.

But it’s this sense of hope that stands out, not just in Batman but throughout the entire movie. Snyder seems to have finally figured out that that’s what makes these characters so endearing. No matter how dark Batman can get as a character he is still a hero after all. The same goes for Superman obviously and Snyder finally understands that a positive and hopeful Superman is the best Superman.

It should also be noted of course that Gal Gadot is once again bringing her all to Wonder Woman, but that character had the benefit of an actual good movie prior to this, so I can’t give too much credit to Snyder on that front. Same goes for Aquaman. Momoa is great here and his character has some great moments, but Snyder’s handling of Atlantis and its supporting characters pales in comparison to what James Wan did with Aquaman’s solo flick, so again, can’t give too much credit to ZSJL there.

Being a Zack Snyder film, Snyder is gonna Snyder, and this is no exception. The film is filled with questionable needle drops and overly long slow mo sequences, but that’s also part of Snyder’s appeal too. He always, always makes HIS movie. He always swings for the fences (and more often than not fails to reach them) and I just cannot deny that I love watching him try. Even a resounding failure like BvS is infinitely more interesting than almost anything included in the theatrical cut of Justice League. And to be fair, the slo mo sequence of Barry rescuing Iris West mid car crash is a beaut. But still, Snyder makes choices and takes chances that no one else would and for that I will always be curious to see what he’s got up his sleeve.

It’s a minor miracle that this movie got to see the light of day, and while I’m not exactly happy with the way the fanbase went about yelling for it, I am truly grateful that we got to see it. Batman and Superman and the actors playing them are better served here, and even though the overlong runtime squashes a good deal of the momentum, the film successfully makes for an emotional and entertaining introduction to the Justice League. Even if we can’t see where things would go from here, at least we got to see how it started.

Superman: The Movie

I don’t remember the first time I saw Superman: The Movie. As far as I can tell, it’s just always been there in my life, existing as one of my favorite movies of all time. Between seeing this and Tim Burton’s Batman as a kid, my love for superheroes was forever cemented in my manboy brain, but Superman: The Movie, and more specifically Christopher Reeve’s performance, to this day stands tall as the best on screen version of Superman, and my personal favorite interpretation of the character.

Spoilers for Superman: The Movie to follow.

The movie opens with a child’s voiceover detailing the heroic reputation of The Daily Planet during the Great Depression. ”A great metropolitan newspaper whose reputation for clarity and truth had become a symbol of hope for the entire community!” By using a child’s simple yet accurate description, director Richard Donner (Lethal Weapon, The Goonies) deftly establishes the films themes of truth, justice and hope within seconds, and then immediately throws us into the opening credits sequence that is led by John Williams now iconic score. It’s a joyous opening for a film that is already brimming with positive vibes.

Donner then takes us through the destruction of Krypton, Kal-El crash landing on Earth and learning important lessons from his adoptive parents, Jonathon and Martha Kent, and then his arrival in 1970s Metropolis as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter. Donner perfectly captures the Man of Steel’s origins in this first act. The Krypton sequence alone is a beautifully realized tragedy, filmed with gorgeous miniatures and other various old school effect tricks that live within the film. The practical effects add a sense of wonder and awe to the planet’s destruction; it feels like a real, living environment instead of CGI backgrounds.

Marlon Brando pops up for a few minutes in this section as Jor-El, father to Kal-El AKA Superman. Despite the actors notorious diva like behavior behind the scenes, his presence no doubt adds gravitas to this comic book world (this film was one of the first, if not THE first, comic book movies to truly be taken seriously by Hollywood).

But for me, the movie really begins to take flight (!) when we see Kal-El, now known as Clark, in his high school years in Smallville. This sequence only lasts maybe 5 minutes, but it’s the most poignant in the whole movie. Clark, frustrated that he can’t use his abilities in sports to make high school bully Brad shut the hell up, gets a pep talk from his adoptive father. Clark asks, “Is it showing off if a person is doing the things he’s capable of doing? Is a bird showing off if it flies?” It’s a question that any teenager chomping at the bit to be an adult and do all the things they want to do would ask. Pa Kent responds with, “No, no. Now, you listen to me. When you first came to us, we thought people would come and take you away because, when they found out, you know, the things you could do... and that worried us a lot. But then a man gets older, and he starts thinking differently and things get very clear. And one thing I do know, son, and that is you are here for a *reason*. I don't know whose reason, or whatever the reason is... Maybe it's because... uh... I don't know. But I do know one thing. It's *not* to score touchdowns. Huh?” After this quality exchange, the father and son then share a nice moment before Clark challenges his Dad to a race as Clark takes off running to the barn and Jonathan follows, only to collapse seconds later of a heart attack.

This is the biggest chunk of screen time legendary actor Glenn Ford has in the movie, but he nails this short monologue so hard and so well that we don’t need anymore time with him to understand the impact he has on the Man of Steel. Once again, Donner is gliding through this origin with skill and efficiency, milking each moment for all that it’s worth.

After the funeral, Clark begins his journey of self discovery and the creation of the Fortress of Solitude, a smaller version of Krypton right here on Earth made from crystals that Jor-El sent with Kal-El on his journey to this planet. Included is an A.I. version of Jor-El that will help Superman learn not only about his history but the human race as well. It’s an incredible sequence that glosses over years of lessons between the two, one of which is that Jor-El spends an entire year teaching his son about the complexities of the human heart. This is one of my absolute favorite tidbits in the movie, as it explains the empathy, understanding and care Christopher Reeve’s Superman has for his adoptive planet and its people.

Reeve’s performance echoes those teachings every second he’s on screen, whether it’s as Clark or Superman. I think that’s a big reason why this performance has endured as long as it has; Reeve shows us that this all powerful God who can easily take the world as his throne instead CHOOSES empathy. He decides to show the human race what genuine goodness is in hopes of inspiring others to do the same. It’s something so simple yet it feels utterly profound to me, especially since we’re living in a reality where it’s abundantly clear that people don’t want to help or care for others, especially if it’s inconvenient for them.

For me, the Boy Scout quality of Superman is part of what makes him so endearing and inspiring, and Reeve brings that to life in a way only he could. I love watching him help people, whether it’s stopping crime or grabbing a cat out of a tree, I love it. Watching him in this role digs up my inner optimist, something I didn’t think was possible after the hell scape the past year has been.

It should also be mentioned that the rest of the cast is equally entertaining to watch. Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor is one of Hackman’s funniest performances. Margot Kidder is THE perfect Lois Lane (and her chemistry with Reeve is the real fucking deal) and of course Ned Beatty, Valerie Perrine, Jackie Cooper and Marc McClure are all note perfect.

The film as a whole, however, is not. The much maligned ending has Superman rewinding time so he can save Lois Lane, who died after he failed to rescue her in time. It’s a choice that strips away the stakes the film had been setting up this entire time and more than anything I just find it to be very lame, especially for a movie that is anything but.

At this point though I’ve long come to terms with the ending, and thankfully the rest of the movie is so good it almost doesn’t matter anyway. Besides, this movie gave us Christopher Reeve’s Superman, and in the end that’s all that matters.