Halloween Kills

Spoilers for Halloween Kills to follow.

I am a living, breathing human, so obviously I love John Carpenter’s original Halloween. I was beyond excited when I learned that director David Gordon Green and co-writer Danny McBride (!) were making a direct sequel to the 1978 classic that would ignore all other sequels and timelines. When I saw the movie opening weekend with friends, I found it incredibly disappointing. Not bad, just not what I was expecting. What was I expecting? Truthfully, I don’t 100% know, but the movie that played before my eyes wasn’t it. Months later I watched it again at home and was able to adjust my expectations and enjoy it much more, and recently a third viewing in anticipation of Kills clenched it, I now loved Halloween’18. I was finally on the same page with what David Gordon Green and company were trying to do, and once again my expectations for the follow up started to rise.

I’ll tell you right now, after two viewings, I fucking love Halloween Kills. The gore and kills in the film are the best and most extreme of any Halloween yet, and best of all, Michael Myers feels legitimately frightening here. However, Green and company also add an insane amount of melodrama that often threatens to take away enjoyment from this otherwise wildly entertaining slasher flick.

There are a lot of declarative statements made in this movie (if you take a drink every time someone says “Evil dies tonight” you will not live to see the end of the movie), so much so that they often take the place of any real dialogue between characters, which means most of the film is just “He needs to die, and I’m going to kill him!” or “He’s terrorized this town for 40 years!” or the aforementioned “Evil dies tonight!” Or when there is actual dialogue, it’s often quite terrible. Just characters saying back and forth to one another that something needs to be done about Michael. MICHAEL!

None of that bothers me though, because Green seems to be more interested in playing with the myth of Halloween, and turning Michael Myers into something truly terrifying and unstoppable, and in my opinion is so successful in doing so that it completely overshadows anything else.

The first time we see Michael in the present day (the film briefly flashes back to 1978) he takes out an entire squad of firefighters with ease, shoving axes into faces left and right, and Green captures all the spectacular gore beautifully. It’s a mission statement for what’s to come, as the movie is wall to wall with grisly kills and outrageous practical effects (there is one particular eye gouging that is an all timer). This version of Michael tiptoes on the verge of superhuman (he’s shot and stabbed multiple times and barely flinches), but the film never veers into supernatural territory. It simply declares Michael as Pure Evil, an unstoppable force, plain and simple. For me, this makes him all the more terrifying. No cult controlling him or ghostly shenanigans, just a person with nothing but murder and mayhem on the mind.

Halloween Kills does attempt to play with some big ideas, specifically the nature of mob mentality. Anthony Michael Hall plays Tommy Doyle, the character that Laurie Strode was babysitting in the original film, and he has turned into the kind of dude who loves to work up crowds with misinformation and a self declared sense of justice. It’s exactly what it sounds like and Hall plays it to perfection, but the film doesn’t seem to have any real interest in exploring the reasons why people become so reactionary in times of chaos, and instead quickly moves on to the next kill. But once again, that doesn’t bother me! Yes, I do think there could be plenty of interesting ways the movie could have taken a moment to play and dig into those themes, but I feel like Green and company didn’t want to slow things down and wanted to focus on the mayhem, and I’m so not mad at that. Plus, there is always the possibility that the next (and supposed final) entry could take the time and deal with the fallout of the events in Kills. For now, I’m just happy to have a gnarly AF Halloween flick.

Hey now! What about the Queen Jamie Lee Curtis or the equally awesome Judy Greer? Well, they’re in it! They don’t have much to do, but they are definitely there! Honestly, Jamie is confined to a hospital bed for most of the movie, but she brings everything she has every moment she’s on screen.

Halloween Kills is far from perfect, but I found it to be an enormously entertaining slasher, and I adored the idea of having a Halloween movie that mostly focuses on the pure brutality of its masked icon. No insight, no reasoning, just an entire movie of Michael doing what he does best, and I could not be happier.

Black Widow

Full Disclosure: I am a very casual Marvel fan. I was raised as a DC boy, so that’s where my heart lies, but my lack of knowledge on the Marvel Universe as a whole has let me throughly enjoy and invest in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I am able to go into every new movie and every new character with a fairly blank slate, and not really care about how close or not close to the comics they are. All I want is a fun movie, and more often than not, Marvel makes fun movies. Thankfully, Black Widow is no exception.

Mild Spoilers for Black Widow to follow.

Black Widow takes place right after the events of Captain America: Civil War where the Avengers have essentially just broken up. Natasha Romanoff is hiding out when she inexplicably gets caught up with the current Black Widow program that she had long thought was shut down.

The idea of having Natasha going after the man behind the program that has ruined so many young women’s lives is a palpable one, but unfortunately nothing much comes from it, at least not emotionally. However, the movie more than makes up for it with the family dynamics of Natasha’s fake Russian spy family, featuring Florence Pugh as her sister and Rachel Weiz and David Harbour as her parents. Pugh is a recently freed Black Widow, Weiz is the engineer and planner of the group, and Harbour is the only Russian Super Soldier to ever exist.

The whole cast completely gels together, having both sincere interactions and hilariously inane and stupid arguments. Harbour easily gets the biggest and best laughs of the movie while also believably fucking some shit up from time to time. But Scarlett and Florence are the heart of the flick, with Pugh in particular standing out. She is just so present and intense and funny, often in the same scene. Her and Scarlett have a great back and forth, and I’m excited to see her pop up in the future elsewhere.

The stunt work of Black Widow is surprisingly practical. Don’t get me wrong, there is CGI out the wahzoo, but I was pleased to see real cars and motorcycles being driven and crashed, as well as real explosions and stunt people doing what they do best. OG stunts just hit different, baby. The fights are particularly gnarly here too, with Natasha both beating and being beaten harder than we’ve ever seen. There is one early fight between Natasha and her sister that had me flinching. It’s not John Wick level brutality, but for Marvel it was pretty cool.

The main physical threat here is The Task Master, the brutal lead henchman of the man behind the Black Widow Program. The Task Master has a mean as hell look to them, with a full face helmet giving a particularly cold and brutal vibe to the character. They beat the hell out of both Scarlett and Florence a few times over, making for a formidable physical challenge.

As for Scarlett, our girl kills it. She’s got this character down, and she handles the action and humor with grace and ease and really it’s nice to see her finally get her own movie, even if it’s not as emotional or cathartic for the character as it should have been.

That’s a minor quibble though, as Black Widow is a very satisfying entry into the MCU, albeit one of the more low key ones. But still, it was just nice to see a new Marvel movie again. I get it if these flicks aren’t your thing, but if they are, then you are going to have a great time with Black Widow.

F9: The Fast Saga

When it comes to The Fast & The Furious franchise, I am all in. I am in particular awe of the journey this series has taken, starting with simple street races and a little VCR thievery to actual space travel in this latest entry. The degree of reality breaking has gone up a staggering amount, and somehow I just accept it all. These movies know exactly they are, and have never for one second pretended otherwise. I love that so much. I also love how much of a soap opera it has become, with dead characters coming back to life on the regular and family secrets coming to haunt you at every corner. Quite simply, I just love this big, dumb, ridiculous franchise, and F9 is a solid entry to the ongoing Fast Saga.

Spoilers for F9 to follow.

The main plot this time around is we find out that a) Dom has a brother b) He is John Cena c) He is after a thing that can do bad things to all things so Dom and team have to stop him and d) Helen Mirren can drive too. We also get Charlize Theron doing a lot of standing and a little bit of walking here and there. Four stars.

OK really, the truth is F9 is easily a lesser entry in the franchise. Director Justin Lin, who helmed F&F 3-6, returns, but screenwriter Chris Morgan, who penned 3-8, doesn’t. It turns out Morgan’s particular insight to this ridiculously conceived world was crucial, even in the worst of entries, and as such F9 feels ever so slightly like a shadow of its formal self. The flip side to that coin is that it took 9 entries to even get a whiff of that kind of fatigue, which is rather impressive when most tend to putter out around 2 or 3 entires.

Even with Morgan gone though, director Lin has a strong enough grasp of the franchise that he keeps it all together. The return of Lin also means a renewed focus on practical stunts, and Lin makes sure to put an absurd amount of cars crashing, blowing up and being pulled through stores by magnets, all in camera baby. It’s a beautiful thing to see.

The set pieces this time around never get as absurd as I’d wish, but the magnet gag deployed throughout the film is cool and unique enough that it satisfies, if not full on impresses. Though an early moment in the film with Dom swinging his vehicle with a rope from a bridge to evade capture was bonkers.

I think what’s really missing from this entry in the sense of camaraderie amongst the characters. The idea of family has been so important and seemingly genuine throughout the series, beginning with Fast Five especially, but here it feels a bit like an afterthought. Don’t get me wrong, they mention it a lot, but it’s glossed over. And I get it, it should be understood at this point, you know? FAMILY. That’s what these guys are all about. But it just doesn’t feel as genuine here.

It doesn’t help that franchise favorite The Rock didn’t return this go round either, leaving a planet size hole of charisma that only he can fill. Everyone else is doing what they’ve been doing for years, with only Kurt Russell and the previously mentioned Mirren being the only ones seemingly having any fun.

John Cena really does try his damnedest though. Every time I see this guy on screen he is giving 110%. Unfortunately, his dynamic doesn’t fit as well as you’d think, as he makes for a pretty bland antagonist. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cena. I think he is particularly good at comedy in a way no one saw coming (he looks like a perfect fit in the upcoming The Suicide Squad), but he just doesn’t have the same intensity to match big head Diesel. But like I said, he tries his best.

Probably the most disappointing thing about F9 is its handling of the return of Han, the beloved character who supposedly died at the end of Tokyo Drift at the hands of Jason Statham. I won’t spoil the explanation, but it’s without a doubt the laziest and lamest reveal of the entire series so far. Though the post credits scene infers that they will be dealing with this situation head on in the next entry, so time will tell if this particular plot line can be redeemed.

I know it seems like I’m coming down hard on this flick, but truthfully I very much enjoyed it. I just have high expectations when it comes to these movies, and I sometimes have a bit of an issue managing those expectations, as such, I often see my opinion go from slightly lukewarm to in love with each successive viewing. I slowly fall in love with what the movie is, instead of crying for what I wanted it to be . For example, it took three viewings of The Fate of the Furious for me to accept it as the enjoyable insanity that it is (The Rock does force a torpedo into a new direction with his bare hand, after all).

What’s most important is F9 entertained me throughout. You most likely know by now if you’re into these movies or not. If you’re not, F9 will do nothing to change your mind. And if you are, F9 will do nothing to change your mind.

Army of the Dead

I like Zack Snyder. Overall I thought his DC output was thoroughly interesting and unexpected if not wholly successful (thoughts on BvS here and his Justice League here), but I was god damn delighted when it was announced that his first non DC movie in a decade was gonna be about Dave Bautista and a ragtag group of bad asses breaking into a zombie infested Las Vegas to steal a bunch of money before the town gets nuked to Kingdom Come.

Perfect. I’m all in. Totally ready for Snyder to just deliver some high priced trash directly to my brain.

Unfortunately Snyder delivers a weird, uneven and bloated zombie heist flick that highlights his own weaknesses rather than his strengths and the movie ultimately proves to be the one thing I thought Snyder didn’t know how to be; boring.

Spoilers for Army of the Dead to follow.

After a short but intense prologue showing how exactly this army of the dead got started, Snyder dives right into an exposition filled montage for the opening credits. The director’s penchant for Choices is on full display here, with odd music cues and the editing going back and forth between each character’s story and them posing with pictures of their dead loved ones. It’s weird, yes, but this is good kind of weird that Snyder excels at, and the director quickly establishes the over the top tone for this world and to his credit never strays from it either.

The plot goes as such: casino owner Bly Tanaka (Hiroyuki Sanada) wants Bautista to gather a team of mercenaries to break into his abandoned business to take back the $200 million that is sitting in the vault. Granted, Tanaka has already been reimbursed that money thanks to insurance, but like all casino owners, he wants what is his. In return, Bautista and crew can split $50 million if they get the job done.

It’s a simple enough heist premise, and with the added zombie element it really doesn’t need to get more complicated than that (and thankfully it doesn’t). All Snyder has to do is give us a crew to root for (with maybe a few people to hate as well) and show us some glorious mayhem that I know he can deliver with his eyes closed.

Unfortunately, the script (co-written by Snyder, based on his own story) gives us nothing but one note characters, and most of the unknown (at least to me) cast can’t do anything to make me care about them, and so when many of them meet their demise, the moment falls flat.

What’s worse is that Snyder takes his sweet ass time introducing all these characters and setting up plot that ultimately doesn’t matter. The movie only starts to enter Vegas about 45 minutes in, and it was clear that at least 20 minutes could have already been cut. I think this is my biggest beef with the movie. It has a final runtime of 148 minutes (!) and if Snyder had cut at least 30 minutes I think this would be a fun, fast paced, don’t think about it too much kind of heist flick. But I mean, Snyder did deliver a 4 hour cut of Justice League, so maybe that’s on me.

It’s not all bad though! Dave Bautista is great. He has been great for a while now, from his hilarious turn as Drax in the MCU to his absolutely haunting cameo in Blade Runner 2049 (I’m so stoked to see him return to play with Villeneuve in Dune). His character has the best storyline in the movie, and Bautista milks it for all its worth, delivering the emotional beats with genuine heartache. He’s also unafraid to show his age, as his badass character is constantly reaching for his reading glasses. It’s a small touch, but Bautista sells it.

Tig Notaro also stands out as the crew’s helicopter pilot. Notaro famously replaced that dipshit comedian who rightfully got cancelled and it’s an upgrade in every way. Notaro is hilarious every second they’re on screen, and I honestly hope it leads to more work outside of straight comedy roles, because Notaro fits into this ragtag ensemble like a glove.

Of course, if Garret Dillahunt is in a movie or show, the quality automatically jumps 10%. Dillahunt is one of those “That Guy” actors. He has been in so much over the last 15 years that it’s impossible to say where one might recognize him from (Deadwood? No Country for Old Men? The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford? Raising Hope?). Dillahunt can play menacing, cold, funny, tough, wimpy all at the drop of a hat. Here, he is in scumbag mode, and nobody does it better.

Like Romero before him, Snyder explores the notion of a Smart Zombie in Army of the Dead, and for the most part it’s pretty cool! It’s not outright stated in the film, but the first zombie, henceforth known as Zombie Daddy, isn’t exactly a zombie. He is some kind of super undead thing. If he bites someone, they also become a super smart and fast zombie, but if anyone else bites anyone, they just become regular ol’ slow walking zombies.

But the cool thing about Zombie Daddy and his army is that apparently him and his army are getting smarter. Bautista and his mercenaries discover that they must sacrifice one of their crew in order for the smart zombies to let them into their territory. Oh and also, Zombie Daddy is actually about to become a zombie daddy, as his bride (!) is most definitely pregnant. Like I said, this stuff is pretty cool. Snyder is unafraid to get weird with the proceedings, but it also felt like he could have gone further with it, especially since Netflix apparently gives cartè blanche to its filmmakers.

The one thing that really surprises me though is how sub par the action is in Army of the Dead. Love him or hate him, I don’t think you can accuse Snyder of not knowing how to film an action scene. I mean, this is what the dude excels at. Now, the fight choreography is on point and all the actors and stunt performers do a great job, but it all feels so unexciting and kind of boring. Apparently Snyder was his own cinematographer this time around, and it seems this was one job too many for the director. The action feels so flat its shocking. Purely mediocre. What’s even worse is that the movie overall just doesn’t look very good, with weird focus and blurry images abound for reasons I can’t quite fathom. Normally I’m all about Snyder making weird choices, aesthetic or otherwise, but it simply does not work here.

I’m really not happy to write this, because I genuinely like Snyder’s work. He is a director who likes to make big choices, no matter the movie, and typically it’s worth watching even if the project isn’t entirely successful. Granted, I don’t think Army of the Dead is straight up terrible. It’s a great showcase for Bautista, who is getting better and better with each role, and Snyder does have fun with zombie lore thanks to Zombie Daddy, but overall the movie just doesn’t have anything to really get excited about. It’s weird, but not weird enough. There’s action, but it’s nothing to write home about. There are a lot of characters, but only one or two worth caring about. In the end, Army of the Dead is simply OK, and that sucks.

Mortal Kombat

Spoilers for Mortal Kombat to follow.

Like many of you, I was the perfect age for Mortal Kombat when it came out in theaters in 1995. I loved the games and was stoked for the movie, and to my 9 year old brain it was everything I wanted and more. Nostalgia does a lot of heavy lifting when I watch it now, but I also genuinely believe it’s a fun video game movie that knows exactly what it is and has plenty of fun with its ridiculous premise and characters.

So, how does Mortal Kombat’ 21 fare?

Well, let’s talk the negative first. The fight sequences aren’t as mind blowing as the trailers would have you believe, there are choices made by the filmmakers that are straight up baffling (there is one scene in particular where Sonya Blade demands to see another characters mortal kombat birth mark that’s on his chest, and when he lowers the collar of his shirt the birthmark is almost completely covered up by the shirt still. Did no one say to the actors “hey we can’t see the thing, let’s do another take”?) and most of the acting is just straight up bad. Oh, and there is no actual tournament in MK’21, just some babble about the bad guys wanting to skip to the end and claim victory over Earth.

But you know what? I really didn’t mind any of it. I wasn’t expecting something “fucking awesome” per se, and a lot of these weird choices add to the film’s overall charm (it didn’t hurt that I watched this with 5 of my very best and vaccinated friends with proper inebriates assisting). The film’s limited budget also means we get some cool practical effects and costumes, which I’m always about, but even some of the CG sequences aren’t so bad (Sub-Zero’s ice knife looks legit and cool AF). MK’21 also moves at a brisk ass pace, forcing the viewer to just go along with the silliness instead of thinking about it too much. High class low rent filmmaking at its best really. Also, every time the movie sneaks in classic video game lines like “Flawless Victory!” or ”Kano Wins!” the results are laugh out loud great. Oh, and the gore is quite good.

“I get it, Jordan! It’s so bad it’s good!” No. I don’t really like that way of thinking when it comes to movies. Ridiculous is a better word for it, I think, which to me is most definitely a compliment.

So we have a Mortal Kombat movie with no mortal kombat tournament, fight sequences that leave a lot to be desired, and some genuinely questionable filmmaking choices. But shit, I just can’t be mad at this movie though. I had fun! I had a lot of fun, and truthfully, what the hell else do you want from a movie called Mortal Kombat?

Zack Snyder’s justice league

It’s tough to say how I would have felt if this was the version of Justice League we got right after Batman v Superman. This is how I felt about BvS when it originally came out in 2016. In the years since I’ve come to terms with the film that I got instead of pining over the movie I wanted. This seems to be a trend I have with all Snyder’s DC superhero output. Yes, I like his director’s cut of Watchmen, but it took me multiple viewings to get there. Yes, I love Man of Steel, warts and all. And as I said, I accept BvS for what it is, an ambitious failure that happens to include an A+ Batman performance from my man Ben Affleck.

And now, after four years and endless noise from internet idiots, we can finally see how Snyder would have capped it all off with Zack Snyder’s Justice League.

Spoilers for Zack Snyder’s Justice League to follow.

Having watched the movie twice now, I can say with confidence that this film is, top to bottom, the best of the Snyder trilogy. ZSJL is filled with hope, heartache and humor (that doesn’t betray the tone). Snyder corrects a lot of wrongs in his depiction of both Batman and Superman here, and both actors portraying them excel because of it. The Flash and Cyborg both get extended sub plots that better flesh out their characters respectively. Aquaman’s motivations and worries are a little more clear here than the theatrical cut and Wonder Woman is at her most hardcore, killin’ dudes in front of kids and chopping off heads like it’s just another day on the job. Honestly, the movie just makes a lot more sense too. We finally understand just what the hell Steppenwolf was doing and why (though it’s tough to say if we should still care or not though) and there is a clear through line as to what was to come. In short, I loved Zack Snyder’s Justice League despite itself.

First and foremost, four hours and two minutes is too long. To be fair, it goes by fairly quickly (Snyder’s choice to break the film into 6 parts helps), but it’s very obvious that at least an hour could have been cut out at the very minimum. Not entire scenes mind you, just bits and pieces that add up. The over length has a numbing effect on the films rather exciting ending, but more importantly, it takes too damn long to get to Superman.

I was very curious to see how Snyder would treat the Man of Steel here after making him such a Negative Nancy in BvS, and I am very happy to report that even with his limited screen time, Snyder let Cavill bring that calm confidence and leadership to the character that he showed signs of in Man of Steel. The film treats Superman with a sense of awe and wonder befitting the character (even if it’s a little unearned by Snyder). But still, it takes almost 2.5 hours for the film to resurrect him and the film suffers for it. Granted, I’m sure Snyder wanted Superman’s absence to be felt so his return was more impactful, and perhaps a shorter runtime could have yielded better results, but in the end the movie suffers from its lack of Superman.

As I mentioned, Cyborg and The Flash both benefit from more screen time here, with Cyborg quietly becoming the heart of the entire movie. Early in the film, as he is testing out his newly learned internet superpowers, he slips $100,000 into the bank account of a hardworking, single mom of two who just got evicted. It’s probably the most heroic act of the whole movie and Ray Fisher has a natural intensity that suits the character well.

Now this is the part where I must admit that I don’t love Ezra Miller as Barry Allen, though I can’t deny he is much less grating here than he was in the theatrical cut. I love Miller as an actor (his performance in We Need To Talk About Kevin is an all time creeper), and I’m willing to give him a fresh chance with his solo flick, but for now I’m just not sold yet.

Once again, Ben Affleck steals the show. His Batman is no longer operating out of spite or hatred, but rather that of hope. Hope that he can bring this league together, hope that they can stop what’s coming. Affleck gives us even more reason to be depressed that his solo Batflick will never come to life, as he embodies the perfect leadership and charisma to lead these iconic characters.

But it’s this sense of hope that stands out, not just in Batman but throughout the entire movie. Snyder seems to have finally figured out that that’s what makes these characters so endearing. No matter how dark Batman can get as a character he is still a hero after all. The same goes for Superman obviously and Snyder finally understands that a positive and hopeful Superman is the best Superman.

It should also be noted of course that Gal Gadot is once again bringing her all to Wonder Woman, but that character had the benefit of an actual good movie prior to this, so I can’t give too much credit to Snyder on that front. Same goes for Aquaman. Momoa is great here and his character has some great moments, but Snyder’s handling of Atlantis and its supporting characters pales in comparison to what James Wan did with Aquaman’s solo flick, so again, can’t give too much credit to ZSJL there.

Being a Zack Snyder film, Snyder is gonna Snyder, and this is no exception. The film is filled with questionable needle drops and overly long slow mo sequences, but that’s also part of Snyder’s appeal too. He always, always makes HIS movie. He always swings for the fences (and more often than not fails to reach them) and I just cannot deny that I love watching him try. Even a resounding failure like BvS is infinitely more interesting than almost anything included in the theatrical cut of Justice League. And to be fair, the slo mo sequence of Barry rescuing Iris West mid car crash is a beaut. But still, Snyder makes choices and takes chances that no one else would and for that I will always be curious to see what he’s got up his sleeve.

It’s a minor miracle that this movie got to see the light of day, and while I’m not exactly happy with the way the fanbase went about yelling for it, I am truly grateful that we got to see it. Batman and Superman and the actors playing them are better served here, and even though the overlong runtime squashes a good deal of the momentum, the film successfully makes for an emotional and entertaining introduction to the Justice League. Even if we can’t see where things would go from here, at least we got to see how it started.